


The reason.

by soshii_ss



Category: So Nyuh Shi Dae | Girls' Generation
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-22
Updated: 2013-08-23
Packaged: 2017-12-24 08:09:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/937622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soshii_ss/pseuds/soshii_ss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If you wanna see it clearly, here..<br/>http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/527431</p></blockquote>





	1. The reason of Jessica

“Be ready, you’ll be singing after Ms. Kim.” The organizer told me.

 

I just nodded and sighed. I’m very happy that I've reached this one big dream in my life; to become a singer. Since I was a kid, my mom would let me join into the contests. Win or lose, she’s proud of me. She’s my inspiration. She’s my idol. She’s my hero.

 

*Flash Back*

“Mom, I would like you to meet Taeyeon.” I said, smiling.

 

“Oh, hi Taeyeon. It’s nice to meet you.” She said, hugging Taeyeon.

 

“Hi Mrs. Jung, It’s nice to meet you too.”

 

“Jessica, lead your friend into the living room. I’ll get some juice for the both of you.”

 

I complied. While heading into the living room, I heard Taeyeon sighed. “What’s wrong, baby?”

 

Taeyeon shook her head and smiled lightly. “I’m nervous. What if---”

 

“Sshhh.” I pat her back. “Everything will be alright.”

 

Taeyeon sighed but nodded after. “I really hope so.”

 

“Here are your drinks.”

 

“Uhh mom, I have to tell you something.”

 

“What is it?”

 

“Taeyeon...”

 

“What’s with her?” She said while pointing at Taeyeon.

 

“She’s my girlfriend.” I confessed. I hold Taeyeon’s hands and she squeezed it lightly. I looked at her, telling the message “Relax, everything will be alright.” through my eyes.

 

“You’re kidding, aren’t you?”

 

I shook my head. “I love her mom. It’s okay for you, right mom?”

 

She didn’t response. Instead, she walked out the house and slammed the door, leaving the two of us.

 

“I told you. She’ll never---”

 

“She’ll accept us soon, baby. I know she will.”

 

Taeyeon nodded.

 

“Come on. I’ll drive you home.”

 

*End of FB*

 

But then she died because of depression. Sad to say, I was the reason of her depression. I can’t help but blame myself but at some part, I can’t. Whatever I do, I can’t change myself. This is me.

 

*Flash Back*

“Jessica, break up with her.”

 

“Mom, I can’t! You now that I love her so much!” I protested.

 

You glared at me. “You MUST obey me. I’m your mother.”

 

“Mom, Taeyeon’s no harm! She loves me too!”

 

“She’ll just hurt you and I’m pretty sure about that. I don’t want you to get hurt!”

 

“I’m already hurt, mom. The way you told me to break up with her breaks my heart.”

 

“You’ll end up hurting yourself, Jessica.”

 

“No. Taeyeon will never hurt me.”

 

“If you don’t want to obey me, get out of this house.”

 

I was shocked. I never expect you to say such things like that. I sighed. “Okay. I’ll leave.”

 

Why did I choose her over you? Why am I so stubborn at that time? Why do I have to meet her? Why do I have to fall and love her?

 

“Why are you saying that? Why are you breaking up with me?” Taeyeon didn’t utter any words. I clenched my fist. “Tell me why?!” I yelled.

 

“My parents... They don’t agree with this as well. So I think you should go back to your mom.”

 

“I fought for you, Taeyeon. We’ve been together for almost 2 years. And now, it’s that easy for you to break up with me?”

 

“I’m sorry. I love my parents. I must obey whatever they say.”

*End of FB*

 

I wanna hug you tight. I wanna say sorry. I wanna say I love you. If I could turn back the hands of time, I would obey you. In that way, I’ll never lose you. If only I obeyed you, maybe I will still have you here, celebrating with me. We, celebrating the success I’ve reached.

 

*Flash Back*  
I came home running, crying and suffering. I opened the unlocked door and went directly to your bedroom.

 

“Mom?” I said while knocking. “Mom, please open up.”

 

No one responded. “Where are you, mom?”

 

I entered her room and there she was, lying on the floor. She’s as cold as the floor. Why? I cried harder. I suffered more.

 

“Mom, why did you do this? Why did you leave me?” I cried. I, then, saw her hand with a small paper. I read the letter and it almost made me faint. I’m so broken. I can’t live anymore.

 

Jessica, I know you will read this letter soon. You don’t know how much thankful I am of having you as my daughter. I admit that I’m disappointed at you. Actually, until now, I can’t accept the fact that you have girlfriend. Sorry, but I can’t anymore. I’ll watch you up above, okay? Remember, whatever happen, don’t give up. Always take care of yourself. Reach for your dreams. I love you. - Mom  
*End of FB*

 

“Ms. Jung, it’s your turn to sing.” The organizer said which broke my train of thoughts.

 

I smiled softly and nodded. I take in a deep breath and sighed. I hear people yelling my name. It somehow eases the pain I’m feeling inside.

 

“Jessica.” I heard her call me. I turned around and saw her smiling softly at me.

 

I smiled back. “Yes?” Why do I have to see her again? Well, I know the answer. She wants to be a singer just like me so here we are. We’re at the same place, performing.

 

“Good luck.” You said.

 

“Thank you.” I let out a sigh. “You sang the song well.”

 

“Thanks. I’ll listen backstage. Good luck again.”

 

“Ladies and gentlemen, let’s give a round of applause for Jessica Jung who will be singing Someday.”

 

The crowd gets wilder while yelling my name. I can see cameras focused on me. I smiled and begin to sing.

 

Someday, you'll gonna realize  
One day, you'll see this through my eyes  
By then I won't even be there  
I'll be happy somewhere  
Even if I cared

I know you don't really see my worth  
You think you're the last guy on earth  
Well, I've got news for you  
I know I'm not that strong  
But it won't take long, won't take long

'Cause someday, someone's gonna love me  
The way I wanted you to need me  
Someday, someone's gonna take your place  
One day, I'll forget about you  
You'll see, I won't even miss you  
Someday, someday

Right now, I know you can't tell  
I'm down and I'm not doin' well  
But one day, these tears  
They will all run dry  
I won't have to cry sweet goodbye

 

'Cause someday, someone's gonna love me  
the way I wanted you to need me  
Someday, someone's gonna take your place, Ooh  
One day, I'll forget about you  
you’ll see, I won't even miss you  
Someday, I know someone's gonna be there

 

Someday, someone's gonna love me  
the way I wanted you to need me  
Someday, someone's gonna take your place  
One day, I'll forget about you  
you’ll see, I won't even miss you  
Someday, someday

 

After my performance, I saw you once again. You were smiling at me. I stared directly into your eyes and I saw emptiness just like mine.

 

“You were great.” You said.

 

“Thank you.”

 

You nodded. “So, I gotta go. Take care.” With that, you left.

 

I entered the makeup room and sat on the couch.

 

“Jessica, you did well.”

 

“Thanks, Yuri.”

 

“I heard Taeyeon cried when she performed.” She knew about Taeyeon. Yuri is my best friend and my manager as well. I told her everything.

 

She cried? Why? “I don’t care. You know that she always become emotional when it comes to sad songs.”

 

“I know you care.”

 

“I don’t care.”

 

“She sang I love you.”

 

“So what?”

 

“If she asked for your forgiveness, would you forgive her? If ever she asked you to be her girlfriend again, would you accept?”

 

“No.”

 

“Why?” Yuri keeps on asking and it’s pissing me off.

 

“The reason is she broke my heart. She didn't fight for me. Why would I forgive her? Although what she did is right, I will not forgive her. I am envious. She still has her mother, unlike me. I lost my mother.”


	2. The reason of Taeyeon

If - English version

Did it pass by? Our Love?

Is it just a heart-breaking memory?

It's turning around... Your heart... Can't I catch it with my tears?

 

My love, I love you, I love you...Are you listening?

My love... Don't forget... Don't erase... Our love...

 

Can you see my tears? I long for you all day

My heart beat when we kissed but now it's all a memory

 

My love I love you, I love you... Are you listening?

My love, don’t forget. Don’t erase... our love...

 

Every day I long for you. That's how my day goes by. Where are you?

I'm sorry I'm sorry that I can't forget you...

My love, come back to me... Don't leave my side, please...

 

They clapped and cheered for me after singing the song. I wiped my tears but smiled at the crowd. Some shouted ‘Why are you being emotional?’ I answered through my mind. ‘It’s because I’m thinking of her.’

 

I reached my dream. I’m very thankful. I’m very happy. My parents are proud of me and that’s a great feeling. But somehow, I feel lonely. I feel incomplete. Every single time, I think of you. You don’t know it. I got news that your mom died. I feel bad.

 

*Flash Back*

“You should stop your relationship with her, Taeyeon.” My mom said.

 

“I don’t want! I love her!”

 

“That is an order from your manager! You must do it!”

 

“No.” I’m not gonna give up on Jessica that easy. I love her.

 

“She’ll lose her job. You’ll lose your job.”

 

What should I do? I will never forgive myself if Jessica lose her job; her dream. I don’t want to lose her too. I kept silent, unsure of what to say.

 

“Remember, this is your dream. This is her dream as well. You don’t want to lose it, do you? So, think about it.”

 

“No mom. I won’t break up with her.”

 

“Break up with her. Or you’ll lose ME and your dream?” I was shocked by her words. I didn't expect her to let me choose over you and her.  
*End of FB*

 

The day I broke up with you is such a big mistake, yet a right decision. I can’t help but cry all night. I can’t sleep, wondering if you’re okay. I can’t eat well. I know I didn’t explain it well. The reason is I can’t stand it. I don’t want to see your tears falling because of me. I can’t because it hurts me. If you misunderstood my decision, are you willing to listen? If you’re mad, are you willing to give us a chance? I’m ready for everything. I don’t care if I lose my career. Are you willing to do the same?

 

*Flash Back*  
“I have my decision.”

 

“Then what is it?” My mom asked, curious of what my decision is.

 

“I’ll break up with her.”

 

“Good.” She smiled. I cried inside.  
*End of BF*

 

I bowed and went backstage. Then, I saw you. After a long time not seeing each other, it made me happy and at the same time sad. I miss your smile. I miss your eyes. I miss your laugh. I miss being with you. I miss your hugs. I miss your kisses. I miss everything about you.

 

“Jessica.” I called you, hoping I would see your smile again. You turned around and smiled at me.

 

Your smile which makes my heart beats fast. You still have this effect on me.

 

“Yes?”

 

Can I hug you? I thought. After all, I can’t just ask her that. “Good luck.” I said.

 

“Thank you.” You replied. I take in a deep breath and let it out. I wanted to say I miss you but I’m afraid of the answer. “You sang the song well.” You complimented.

 

My heart jumped, I smiled. “Thanks. I’ll listen backstage. Good luck again.”

 

You climbed up on the stage. I can hear people yelling your name. It made me smile. You’re now a famous singer and I’m proud of you. I’m happy that you reached your dream. You begin to sing and you’re voice was perfect. But my tears begin to fall. You’re singing that song for me, aren’t you? Or I am just overacting? The lyrics seem to answer all my questions. I sighed. I deserve this. Once you’re done singing, I waited until you got down. That’s it, our eyes met once again.

 

“You were great.” I said. Is that song for me? I wanted to ask, but no.

 

“Thank you.” You said.

 

I nodded. “So, I gotta go. Take care.” And then I pretended to leave.

 

You directly went to the makeup room while I follow. I think this is the right time to explain myself well.

 

I was about to knock when I heard a voice talking to you. I guess this is not the right time?

 

“Jessica, you did well.” I heard her manager, Yuri, said.

 

“Thanks, Yuri.”

 

“I heard Taeyeon cried when she performed.” How did she know that I cried? I shrugged. Maybe she watched me.

 

“I don’t care.” I can feel my heart sinking. That’s it. You don’t care about me anymore. ”You know that she always become emotional when it comes to sad songs.” No, I cried because I was thinking of you.

 

“I know you care.” Please say yes.

 

“I don’t care.”

 

“She sang I love you.”

 

“So what?” I can’t stand your replies anymore. I think I must leave this place soon. I was about to walk away when I heard Yuri talk again.

 

“If she asked for your forgiveness, would you forgive her? If ever she asked you to be her girlfriend again, would you accept?” She knows about our past relationship? What will you say, Jessica? Should I wait for your answer? I’m curious. I’m afraid.

 

“No.” You said. My tears begin to fall.

 

“Why?”

 

“The reason is she broke my heart. She didn’t fight for me. Why would I forgive her? Although what she did is right, I will not forgive her. I am envious. She still has her mother, unlike me. I lost my mother.” I run away. Now I know that you will never forgive me. I understand. Now I know that you’re angry. I understand. I deserve this. I am too late to explain my reason further.


	3. SEQUEL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you wanna see it clearly, here..  
> http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/527431

It’s been a year, and I still have this beloved career of mine. It’s been a year since I last saw her. I miss her so bad. If only I can talk to her once again. If only I can say sorry for the last time.

 

“Are you all excited?” Tiffany, the MC, asked the people. The people yelled, I smiled. My fans really make me happy. “They are all excited, Yoona.”

 

“Alright. So, what are we waiting for? Let’s give a round of applause for Ms. Kim Taeyeon!!”

 

The people clapped and cheered for me as I entered the stage, lights were all focused at me.

 

One year later

It feels like I’ve been dreaming for a long time.  
I’ve wandered and wandered around for a while  
As if we made a promise  
standing here in front of each other  
like that day from four seasons ago.

Those beautiful stories that we wrote down together  
Those eternal promises that we prayed for at that time  
They’re all coming back to me now and  
I don’t think my heart can take it  
I’ve even restrained myself at the thought of you  
How has your one year been?

For a long time I’ve been living, having forgotten of you  
For a while, I thought I was doing fine  
However I started to realize it as time pass by  
That I am nothing without you.

At that time, If only we had been a bit more mature  
If only we knew how we would be right now  
I have no confidence in overcoming these endless regrets  
So I’ve had to just repress them  
One year has pass like that.

Could your feelings perhaps be the same as mine?  
Will you give me another chance?  
I know now that we can never part of each other  
the one person I love and love again.

I wish we can go back to our first days  
To the beautiful, happy and loving days  
Those heart-breaking stories and vain arguments  
Just bury all of that now  
And promise that we won’t take them out again  
No matter how many seasons pass and how many years go by  
I hope we won’t meet like today again.

 

The people yelled once more after my performance. I smiled, bowed and waved at them. I exit the stage with a sigh.

 

“That’s a very sad song.”

 

I looked at the person intently. Who would’ve thought I’ll see her again? My heart, once again, beats fast, almost looking for its way out of my body. My hands begin to tremble. My throat runs dry. I am shivering. Am I dreaming? I blinked my eyes a multiple times but she’s still standing in front of me. I’m not dreaming.

 

“How are you?” She smiled.

 

“I... Well, I’m good.”

 

“Can we talk? Privately?”

 

I unconsciously nodded like a puppy. I gulped. I can’t stop staring at her.

 

She then walked directly into my makeup room. She really has a good timing, huh? No one was around.

 

“So...” Did I say the right word?

 

The next thing happened is the one thing I’ve been missing. After all the days, weeks, and months that have passed, I’ve been waiting for this to happen again. She hugged me tightly.

 

“I miss you so much, Taeyeon.”

 

My tear rolls down my face. “Did I hear it right?”

 

She nodded. “I’m very sorry.”

 

“I’m the one who needs to say sorry, not you.”

 

She breaks the hug and stared at me. “No. Your mom told me everything. I should be thankful to you.”

 

I smiled. “I’m sorry. I didn’t explain myself well. I don’t want to see you cry at that time. It hurts me so much.”

 

“Why didn’t you explain yourself when we met last year?”

 

“I was about to explain but I overheard your conversation with Yuri.”

 

She frowned and tried to remember everything. “Ahh. You didn’t wait until our conversation end?

 

I shook my head. “Why? Your words hurt me so I---”

 

She cuts me off by her soft lips. “Listen to my story.”

 

I blushed and nodded.

 

*Jessica’s P.O.V. (ITALICIZED WORDS ARE FLASHBACK)*

“If she asked for your forgiveness, would you forgive her? If ever she asked you to be her girlfriend again, would you accept?”

 

“No.”

 

“Why?”

 

“The reason is she broke my heart. She didn’t fight for me. Why would I forgive her? Although what she did is right, I will not forgive her. I am envious. She still has her mother, unlike me. I lost my mother.”

 

“But what if she has other reason behind it?”

 

I didn’t response at that time. What if Yuri’s right?

 

“Look, why don’t you try to talk to her mother first and clear everything?”

 

After the show, I directly went to your house. Glad you’re not there yet. Where did you go at that time?

 

“At the bar. I’m hurt at that time ya know.”

 

Okay. So I went to your house and your mom let me entered.

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

“I’m just here to ask some questions, Mrs. Kim.”

 

She stared at me intently, as if she knows what will happen next. It made me shiver.

 

“Spill it out.”

 

“Are you really the reason of our break up?”

 

I was shock at that moment. She cried in front of me. I really don’t know what to do at that time.

 

“I’m sorry. I know I’m hurting the both of you. The real reason is her manager told me to do that. He told me that if Taeyeon and you continued your relationship, you will both lose your dreams. I told her to break up with you but she really wants to fight for you. I then told her to choose over you and me. She chose me, so she broke up with you. I feel happy because she chose me but I also can feel guilt eating me up. She won’t eat unless I bring food for her. Every night I would peek inside her room, I could hear sobs. I think she couldn’t sleep too. That’s how much she loves you. She doesn’t want you to lose your dream. So she sacrificed her love for you. I’m sorry.”

*End of Flash Back*

 

(Still Jessica's P.O.V.)

"I was speechless. I don’t know that you suffered too. I thought I was the only one who suffered. I thought you don’t love me anymore."

 

“My mom never told me about that.”

 

“I told her not to tell you. I told her that I’ll look for you since we are on the same world, showbiz.”

 

Taeyeon nodded lightly. “What took you so long?”

 

“I’m sorry. I got a problem with my career.”

 

“What happened?”

 

“I resigned.”

 

“What!?”

 

“All I want is to focus with the person that I really love.”

 

She blushed. “The person you love? Do I know that person?”

 

“You really know her well.”

 

“Oh. HER. Mmm, is that person beautiful?”

 

“No.”

 

“What?!!” She glared at me. I laughed at her reaction.

 

“Of course she’s beautiful.”

 

“Is that...”

 

“Don’t ask anymore. It’s you!” I kissed her and she kissed me back. I love this feeling. “I love you, tae.”

 

“I love you more baby.”

 

THE END.


End file.
